I recently finished reading the book Quiet by Susan Cain. Before starting the book, I knew that I was an introvert that could display situational extrovert tendencies when I need to. I, however, never thought that my daughter, Izzy, would be considered somewhat an introvert. The more I watch her and think about her first three years (she’s three now), however, I think she may be more similar to me than I thought.
My daughter, only three, openly does not want to go to school any day and it is a chore to get her ready and in the car each morning. She resists going in the tub, hair washing, putting clothes on, getting outdoor gear on every day. Each of these tasks is met with the verbal proclamation that she does not want to go to school, and she would rather be home sick for the day (even when she is clearly not sick). Once we can get her into school, she is fine, however it takes a lot to go through this morning routine. One of the portions of the book discussed a study by Kagan and how he studied infants (0-3 months old) and at this early development could tell which individuals would be introverts and extroverts. The introverts were the babies who were highly reactive and they would squirm and wiggle because they were too overstimulated. While the extroverts, on the other hand, reacted calmly to new stimuli. This is the difference between my two daughters right here. Izzy, as a baby, was colicky and seemed agitated all the time. Zoey, on the other hand, has been and is as easy going as can be. Izzy is not anti-social by any means, but I think the social aspect of school burns her out which is why she does not want to go. Izzy is content running around and doing solo activities or activities with one playmate, and if more enter her social sphere then she is reluctant. She has full conversation in her head and does a great job watching others play and then going on her own to practice and mimic these behaviors, and then extend upon them. She has the most vivid imagination and can say the most bizarre things—which I am hoping is an early spark to an innovative and creative life. The book talked about how schools, with the emphasis on cooperative learning and social adjustment, are reflected of an idealized extrovert personality type. This is further reflective of most American work environments that are built to work in teams, and often reward people who promote themselves and sometimes come off as overconfident. Taking into account these extrovert ideals the book then questions leadership styles and found that extroverts are better at leading passive employees while introverts, due to their preference to listen, are better at taking into account multiple perspectives and leading a group of people actively looking to improve. I bring the structuring of schools, the workplace, and leadership up because I think this is something we need to spend more time thinking about so that everyone feels like they belong and that they can succeed. It will also help us introverts not feel like outcasts as we tip-toe around a party while extroverts take center-stage.
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AuthorKristina Scott Archives
February 2023
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